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Hey guys. Throwaway because this issue is honestly humiliating.
I've been dating a girl for about a year. We're a fairly vanilla couple in terms of sex, and our libidos seem to be equal. We have sex about five times a week on average.
About a month ago, my girlfriend started forcing really awkward conversation about how her friend was doing some weird things with her boyfriend. We talked about it a bit, and long story short, her friend's boyfriend has a fetish for "loaning" his girlfriend out to other guys. My girlfriend went into pretty specific detail about it, how they'll play out fantasies where the girl would "steal" his credit card, take a different guy out to a restaurant, fuck him in their bed, and then send pictures of everything to her boyfriend later. It apparently drives him crazy and according to my girlfriend they're a very happy couple. When I heard this I just thought that people have their kinks and whatnot.
My girlfriend started talking more about this, bringing it up in irrelevant conversations, and kept asking what I thought about it. At this point I started to kind of catch on to my girlfriend being way more interested in this than she should be, and last night she dropped the bomb on me: she wanted to have sex with a guy we both know, and she wanted my good blessing for it.
I was furious. I called her some derogatory terms for a promiscuous female, told her that she can fuck whoever she wants once she gets out of the apartment that I pay for, and suggested that she stay at her parents' house that night. She left in tears.
This morning she came back, exhausted from bawling her eyes out, and still crying. She apologized profusely and said she would never do anything to hurt me. I explained that I don't know if I could trust her anymore. I was being honest. I don't think I can. At this point I honestly think she's cheating on me and feel disgusted to my very core.
Is my thinking so wrong? I'm so hurt and angry that I can barely look at her right now. I thought she was a really loyal and loving girlfriend but I don't know if I can get over this.
Edit: alright, I'm going to update this in regards to some of the responses.
When she brought up the cuckolding thing before, I never showed interest. In a post below I actually mention how I showed the opposite of interest. We are a monogamous couple and are, at least I thought we were until yesterday, very happy together.
Sex is a big part of a relationship to me. It's a big part of the relationship for most couples. Some of you may think there's only a physical aspect to it, or that two people can have sex with others and still have a very successful relationship. I don't believe it's possible for me. If you do, great, live your life the way you want. I never considered the idea of sleeping with another woman as long as I was with my girlfriend because she's all I want(ed) and need(ed). She clearly didn't share that sentiment with me, and that hurt.
A lot of people are claiming that her communicating this honestly with me excuses what she did, or that she's a saint for not just outright cheating on me. I am not OK with her being willing to act on her desire to have sex with another man. If I had said "yes," she would be having sex with another man right now, because apparently to her that is something she has wanted to do for quite some time and the implications about her attitude towards our relationship are very hurtful to me.
So, really, call me a jackass for having different values than you, or diagnose me with anger issues for all I care. It just amazes me that people who support polyamorous relationships, as I do for others, could be so obtuse and closed-minded towards people from those who desire monogamous relationships. Relationships to me are about being only with each other, and in that regard there are clear lines drawn. Trying to act on a desire to overstep these lines is almost as bad as flat-out cheating to me. A lot of people in the comments have agreed that they would have felt betrayed too.
edit2: /u/Turd_In_The_Hole explains how this hurt me very well
Except this wasn't sharing a kink or fantasy- that would just be saying "this thought turns me on". This was presenting the hope/intent to do a specific action- turning a fantasy into reality- that's potentially very hurtful/ damaging to a relationship, before ascertaining if it would be acceptable.
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Luxembourgian performance artist Deborah de Robertis visited Paris’ Musée d’Orsay, about two weeks ago, on May 29, sat down in front of Gustave Courbet’s infamous 1866 painting L’Origine du monde (Origin of the World), and recreated the iconic image in the flesh. In a video of the performance, titled Mirror of Origin, the artist can be seen dressed in a gold sequin dress, exposing her vagina while the museum’s security guards crowding around her and usher cheering visitors out of the gallery.