I was recently lambasted in /r/relationships and faced a barrage of vitriol, personal criticism, deeply offensive remarks and abuse for the following post. I’m perfectly aware and accept that it may appear to some as morally and ethically wrong, but non-constructive comments serve no purpose. Another user recommended that I would receive an open-minded view in this sub. At the same time, I’m not here to battle my corner or try to change anybody’s opinion, rather – handle this issue in the best interests of my son. Thank you.
Sigh. Where do I begin?
I’m a single mum to a lovely young man, my only child. Since my separation from his father many years ago, I’ve never seriously dated anybody or had another sexual relationship. ‘Martin’ (19) is in his second year of University. He no longer lives at home with me, but he is still only a stone’s throw away. We are extremely close to one another.
I initially met ‘Sam’ (18) when he was working as a PT/Instructor at a local gym I was attending in early Summer of last year. We then bumped into each other at a drink & food festival, and exchanged numbers after he approached me. I (wrongly) assumed he was much older than 18. Despite my initial reluctance, I have been having a sexual relationship with Sam for several months.
Sam and I have always been on the same page in regards to our ‘relationship’. We will chit-chat a little during the week, and spend an evening with one another once per week – always in my apartment. I will usually cook a meal for him, and we will cuddle and watch a movie over some wine and whatnot. I’m incredibly fond of him and having a sexual release has seemingly improved every aspect of my wellbeing. I know we have both helped each other immensely, in different ways. We have both treated one another with utmost respect and nobody has been misled.
I now feel intense shame, embarrassment and tremendous fear. Via social media it has come to my attention that both my son Martin, and Sam – are friends. I only have my son as a connection, and was recently viewing his photos from the festive period. Sam features in my son’s festive nights out, as well as New Year celebrations. I have no idea how close they are, and it scares me.
Sam has told me before that he is not in University, but I know he lives with his friends. I’ve visited my son’s accommodation and I’ve never seen Sam, so I’m pretty certain they aren’t housemates. I’ve also met his oldest and closest friends over the years.
Sam knows very little about my son. Only that I have one.
I really don’t know what to do. I feel incredibly dirty and feel like I’ve let my son down immensely. Sam has intimate photos and videos of me from the last couple of months – some of which contain my voice, but never my full face. All have occurred whilst we were both in each other’s company. I’m incredibly paranoid and worst-case scenarios have been spreading through my mind like wildfire.
Since discovering their friendship, it has always been my intention to end my arrangement with Sam. I have no hesitations in doing so and have recently organized plans to see him this Saturday. I plan to sit down with him and have a heart to heart – and do my very best to gently explain the situation.
My relationship with my son will forever be paramount. Yet, as one can imagine I have been a mess the last couple of days and in a state of despair. I’m conflicted whether I should explain to my son about this whole ordeal.
I’m willing to answer any further questions, as long as it doesn’t jeopardize my anonymity. Thank you!
tl;dr: I’ve unknowingly been having a sexual relationship with my son's friend (which I discovered recently on social media). I’m petrified of my son discovering and our close relationship suffering.
UPDATE: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of the support. There has been an issue with my post responses being automatically removed (due to my negative karma). I haven't been purposely avoiding discussion! Thanks again!
Just curious to see what women think about the idea of giving a guy oral sex after he's been in your vagina. Or about kissing him after he's gone down on you. Are you turned off by the idea of tasting your juices on him? Is it something you'll do for his pleasure, but you do not particularly enjoy? Do you actually enjoy it? What about if he has also released inside of you so he's cover with your juices and his own semen?