Tag Archives: Guys

[Advice][Part 2] How guys can learn to have non-ejaculatory orgasms that last 5+ minutes

Hey /r/sex!

About a month ago, I posted this thread on lasting longer in bed that BLEW UP.

That was just a prelude to this one though. I knew guys needed to be able to last long enough in bed if they wanted to get into having multiple orgasms without ejaculating.

I got interested in non-ejaculatory orgasms for men a few months ago, but was fed up with dealing with all of the Tantric mysticism surrounding it. So I put together a guide on how guys can learn to NEO without any of the mysticism, and the friends that have tested it out have had a lot of success with it.

Enjoy! 🙂


Four Types of Male Orgasms

The brief “crotch-sneeze” orgasm is what 99% of guys go through their lives experiencing. We’re going to refer to it as an Ejaculatory Orgasm (EO).

You can extend it a few seconds and increase the intensity of it (both through kegel exercises), but it remains limited in duration and you can only have one.

What most guys don’t know is that there are three more types of orgasms, which most guys never experience:

  • Non-Ejaculatory Orgasm (NEOs)
  • Prolonged or Peaking Non-Ejaculatory Orgasm (PNEOs)
  • Prostate Orgasm (POs)

What’s special about the other three?

  • More intense. Once you’ve practiced, all three are a more intense sensation than an EO.
  • No refractory period. You can orgasm again and again without having to cool down.
  • They’re looong. A PNEO can last 1, 5, even 10 minutes. Ever been physically exhausted from orgasming? No? Well get ready.

I’m going to cover how you can have your first NEO and PNEO, but just on your own. Having either during sex and foreplay is 10x harder and merits its own article, as does how to have prostate orgasms, so I'll be back in the future with those guides :).

Step One: Ejaculatory Control

Before you can have NEOs and PNEOs, you need to get yourself to a certain level of ejaculatory control.

You should be comfortable masturbating for 10+ minutes with constant stimulation (not having to stop and start a ton of times). Without that kind of control, you won’t be able to slowly bring yourself up to the point of having an NEO, and you definitely won’t be able to keep yourself right at that threshold.

If you can’t easily do that, start with the last article.

Step Two: Kegel Exercises

Having an NEO or PNEO works by getting to the point of orgasm, and then flexing your PC muscle hard enough to block the ejaculate from actually escaping.

But most men have a weak PC muscle, even if they can normally last a long time in bed, so you’ll need to train yours until you have a vice-like grip behind your penis.

You do this through kegel exercises.

The PC muscle (ejaculation muscle for our purposes) is located right behind your balls and before your anus. You’ve felt it when you’re trying to prevent yourself from peeing, or when you start peeing and then try to make yourself stop.

It’s also the muscle that you use to prevent yourself from ejaculating, and that flexes and spasms when you’re orgasming.

So in order to stop yourself from ejaculating, you need to develop a strong PC muscle.

The easiest way to do that training is to use an app called Kegel Camp (or Kegel Trainer on Android), which will walk you through doing progressively more difficult kegel exercises and strengthening the PC muscle.

Start by practicing your kegels 2-3 times a day until you can hold for 20+ seconds. That’s when you’re at the point that you can squeeze hard enough to pull yourself back from the edge.

Once you’re there, keep doing kegels for maintenance, but you can move on to the next step…

Step Three: The Daily Practice

While you’re learning to have NEOs and PNEOs, set aside 20+ minutes each night to masturbate and work on it.

I found that if I went more than a couple days without experimenting, I’d be set back considerably. Once you’ve practiced enough you can go for a few days without it, but until you have it mastered, set that time aside every night.

During the practice, work yourself up to a peak (somewhere around a 9-9.5 out of 10 for how close you are to orgasming) and then bring yourself back down to a 5-7. This is called “edging.”

Edging graph

Stay in the upper range as long as possible, but when you feel like you’re at risk of ejaculating, cool yourself down using the STAB technique:

  • Squeeze: Squeeze your PC muscles HARD like you’re doing an intense kegel. Hold for at least 10 seconds, but the longer you can hold the more you’ll come down. (A few shorter holds, or a bunch of 1 second ones can work too)
  • Think: Think about something else
  • Avoid: Change your stroke (avoid the head) instead of stopping entirely
  • Breathe: Take deep, diaphragmatic (with your stomach) breaths

The idea is to become extremely aware of how close you are to ejaculating. Having that awareness is crucial for separating orgasm and ejaculation.

For that reason, I’m going to make a recommendation you might not like…

Don’t use porn.

I found that using porn when practicing pulled me out of the experience too much, and I lost awareness of where I was on that 1-10 scale. By not using it you’re forced to focus on the experience more, and it will give you significantly more awareness of how close you are and when you need to pull yourself back.

Once you’ve mastered edging, you can start to separate the orgasm and ejaculation.

Step Four: Separating Orgasm and Ejaculation

To have non-ejaculatory orgasms, you need to train your body to separate the experience or orgasm and ejaculation.

You’ve likely experienced ejaculation and orgasm at the same time for your entire life, but that’s just a strategic biological move on your body’s part.

Orgasm is not caused by ejaculating, rather it normally happens in sync with and actually slightly before ejaculating. Your body needs to make sure you don’t stop pumping away as you get closer to cumming (since it wants to reproduce), so it gets you closer to orgasming as motivation.

All we have to do is untrain that impulse.

Partial Orgasm Separation

As you’re masturbating for your daily practice, you’re going to start working on briefly separating the orgasm and ejaculation as you finish.

When you hit the point of no return where you know you’re going to ejaculate, squeeze your PC muscle as hard as you can as if you’re doing a long kegel hold.

You should feel your penis twitch, swell, and the ejaculating will be delayed a second or two… but the orgasm sensation won’t. You’ll feel a couple seconds of orgasm right before you ejaculate, and then you’ll have the regular ejaculation plus orgasm that you’re used to.

Extended orgasm graph

Congrats! You just separated orgasm and ejaculation for the first time.

This is the “holy shit” moment. Once you feel this happen, everything else will feel 100x more possible.

Now you just have to do it without ejaculating at all.

## Step Five: Your First Non-Ejaculatory Orgasm

“RRRRRRAAAaaaagggghhhh” *pant pant twitch pant pant “holy shit what just happened”* – you after implementing this section.

Now that you’ve seen that there’s a difference between when you start to orgasm, and when you start to ejaculate, it’s time to make the first happen without the other.

You’re going to keep the practice going like you have. Work yourself up to a peak, and bring yourself down. Up and down.

When you get close to cumming, you’re going to do something a little different: right when you hit the point of no return, squeeze your PC muscles as hard as you can, open your eyes (this helps, not sure why), and stop stroking your penis.

One of a few things will happen:

  • You’ll stop too early and not get the orgasm. This is fine, just work yourself up again and try it a little closer to orgasming
  • You’ll do it too late and you’ll orgasm + ejaculate anyway. That’s fine, just try again next time but at a slightly earlier point.
  • You’ll have an NEO! I doubt you’ll get it your first time, but if you do, congrats! Work yourself up to that peak and see if you can do it again.

My progression went like this:

  • Days 1-7: Not much
  • Days 8-14: Some separation, still ejaculated though
  • Day ~15: Oh my god I’m never leaving my bed

Even when you do it right, some cum might leak out, or you might have one small squirt. That’s fine! You’ll notice that there’s no refractory period, you’re just cooled down to a 5 or 6 again and still completely able to keep going.

Good work! You’re now able to have non-ejaculatory orgasms. But, as you probably found, the first one isn’t anything crazy to write home about. Which is why we need…

Step Six: Intensifying Your NEOs

For every guy I’ve talked to, the first NEO is disappointing. It will be extremely brief and not incredibly pleasurable.

Don’t stop here. Unlike a regular EO (ejaculatory orgasm), an NEO isn’t immediately extremely pleasurable, it’s something you have to build up to through practice.

The best way to do that is to keep having them. The good news is that since you don’t have a refractory period, you can have multiple in the same session.

What will make the biggest difference in how pleasurable they are is how close to actually ejaculating you are when you have them. If you’re squeezing your PC muscle with the vice-like grip to keep yourself a hair-width away from ejaculating, it’ll be much more intense than if you’re just loosely squeezing a few times at a 9.

You can also try changing how you do your kegel squeezes. I find the long hard squeeze most effective, but for some guys a few medium length squeezes or a bunch of very quick ones are better.

Step Seven: Orgasming for 5+ Minutes: the Prolonged Non-Ejaculatory Orgasm

“What the hell was that?!”

“I… pant have no idea. I didn’t know that was possible. Holy shit my abs hurt.”

“You were thrashing around for at least 10 minutes, was that WHOLE thing an orgasm?”

“Yeah… let’s see if I can do it again.”

After figuring out NEOs, I had an idea:

What if you could chain together and extend NEOs the same way women can extend their clitoral orgasms?

Women can orgasm multiple times in quick succession, and stay in that peak state for over a minute, so why couldn’t I do the same?

That was the question that led me to the abs-destroying orgasmic intensity that David Asprey alluded to.

Think about the pleasure graphs I’ve used before.

You started out here, with a build up to one orgasm:

Build up graph

With NEOs, you can create a graph more like this:

NEO graph

But that’s just having a regular orgasm a few times. It’s awesome, but you can make it even better by significantly increasing the duration of the orgasms, until the graph looks like this:

PNEO graph

If you have an idea for how to better visualize this… let me know

Normally, we think of an orgasm as a point in time, something that happens to you. Instead, you need to think of orgasm as a state of being, in which the sensations can become more or less intense.

It’s like being turned on. You could be a little horny, or sex-on-the-kitchen-floor horny, but it’s all just different levels of horny.

Orgasm is the same. Once you’ve separated it from ejaculation, you can move between different levels of orgasm for as long as you want.

You’ll have peaks of pleasure that you would normally call “orgasms,” but instead of cooling down afterwards you’ll stay in a less-intense orgasm. The spasms, contractions, and mental pleasure of an orgasm will all be there, just with different intensity.

Your First PNEO

To have your first PNEO, start with a regular NEO like before but as soon as you hit the peak, try to make yourself immediately have another one.

Don’t let yourself cool down. Shift the focus to the head of your penis, and use a fast stroke to keep yourself right against that edge. You should be able to quickly get to the NEO peak again, and when you do, just do the same thing and immediately try as hard as possible to have another one.

As you keep doing this, the gaps will get shorter and shorter until you manage to keep yourself right in that orgasmic state between the successive peaks. It might take a few tries and you might have a few misfires, but eventually you’ll hit that point where you’re in that blissed out orgasm state beyond just when you’re having the peaks.

Once you have your first one in a session, the next ones get easier.

Second, third, and future PNEOs

Once you’ve had the first PNEO, the next ones are much easier.

Get yourself up to the point just before you would have an NEO, but now you’re going to clench your PC muscles earlier, and make all of the movements as if you were having an orgasm.

Do the thrusting, leg twitching, thrashing, etc. If you’re not sure what motions to make, just imitate what you see women do when they orgasm.

This is the same principle I talked about in the article on lasting longer in bed: if you smile, you make yourself happier. If you breathe like you’re not going to cum, you won’t. And in this case, if you move your body as if you’re having an orgasm, you will.

You’re stroking, you’re close to an NEO, and now you’re clenching and moving as if you’re orgasming. Keep your eyes open like before, and keep stroking to keep yourself right against that no-return threshold.

At some point here you’ll feel a sudden rush of pleasure and the sensation will noticeably change from just the pleasure of stroking to being in the orgasmic state that you felt before. You’ll be able to manipulate how intense the orgasm is by stroking harder or faster, and you’ll be able to pull yourself out of it just by stopping if you get tired or get too close to ejaculating.

Eventually you’ll get to the point where the reason you let yourself come down (or finally ejaculate) is because your abs hurt (seriously, this is an insane ab workout) or your throat dries out from breathing so heavily.

Having NEOs and PNEOs with your partner

You can go from zero to having NEOs and PNEOs on your own in less than a month. Once you know the sensations you’re going for, getting to them is not particularly hard assuming you have the sufficient PC muscle strength.

But having either with your partner is considerably more difficult because you’re no longer controlling the amount of stimulation. Instead, you’re relying on them to provide the constant pressure you need to reach an NEO, or stay in a PNEO, without providing so much that you actually ejaculate.

That’s why I recommend figuring out how to do it on your own first. Once you’ve gotten it down, then you can work on incorporating it into sex and foreplay with your partner. That article will be out soon :).

For now, work on getting the NEOs and PNEOs under control, and let me know in the comments if you have any questions!

submitted by nateliason
[link] [72 comments]
Sex

Thanks, guys.

So there I was, blissfully slipping away to sleep after a good boning. The window was open with a cool breeze blowing through the room and my gf had excused herself to shower. In the distance, a motorcycle rumbled down the street and bar patrons walked home, alternately proclaiming to eachother a new alcohol-induced epiphany and loudly congratulating eachother. But none of that mattered, I was elsewhere. Peace and serenity wrapped me in its warm embrace and I drifted into a light slumber.

BAM! My gf bursts into the room holding a handtowel and yells "Reddit says you'd like this!!" She wrestled me out of the sheets, half-dazed and before I can say anything she presses a scalding, wet towel on my junk. It was not pleasant.

TL:DR – Gf burned my junk after sex because of advice on this sub.

submitted by GlorpinUSA
[link] [18 comments]
Sex

F(22) Im overweight, and my guy (23) has a slightly smaller than average-sized penis. Any tips or tricks for good positions?

Hi, sexxit, I figured you guys would be able to help me. I’ve been seeing this really great guy, and we had sex for the first time this week. The sex was pretty good, but I feel like you guys might be able to help me make it even better. See, I’m pretty overweight (in my thighs and stomach), and that’s never really been a big problem when it comes to sex, except that my new guy’s only got a little belly to him, and is a little on the small side, probably around 4in. Him on top was good, and so was me on top, but we tried doggy and it absolutely wasn’t working. I looked at that Norwegian website that lets you put in different criteria for positions, but it didn’t really give me much.

This looks like it’s going to turn into something long-term, so I’d really love it if any of you have any tips for positions we can try out, so we don’t get absolutely bored by missionary. Thanks!

submitted by biggirlthrowaway [link] [156 comments]

My sex life went from almost nothing to totally insane really fast and Im afraid of what its doing to me

I’m worried this might be long and rambley… oh well.

So I made a post on reddit like a month ago about my first threesome. In fact it was the 3rd time having sex ever and I did it with 2 fairly close (now really close) friends. I was so nervous after but I was even more excited. I had a lot of fun and I really loved it. Background info: I’m a girl, in grade 10, and it was with 2 guys.

I was not a sexual girl at all up until then. My other 2 times with sex was with a long term boyfriend and it was nice but not very exciting. Well, since then me and the 2 guys have been together maybe 12 times. It’s like 3 times a week for a month now. One of the guys’ parents both work at night and he has no siblings so we always have a place to go and it’s regular. I have been having so much fun and been so happy lately. So far, only very close friends know and as far as I can tell, news hasn’t gotten out but I think that’s getting harder to watch.

It isn’t just the 3 of us all the time now. Last week I found out one of them had a friends with benefits thing going on with another girl who most people know is kind of slutty anyway. So they asked me if she could join us. I have never been even curious about girls before. I think girls are beautiful but I was never attracted to them. I told them she could come if we could trust her not to tell anyone and I wouldn’t do anything with her. She did join us and it was wierd at first but she was so comfortable with it. Basically it was like the guys were in 2 threesomes because me and her didn’t even touch each other. I was kind of wierded out. But by the end, one of the guys was really fucking her and seeing her face and body move and be so happy was really exciting for me. Seeing a girl get pleasured and have an orgasm was seriously the most arousing thing I ever saw. I got so excited I begged one of my friends to join us next time. I told her all about this from the start and she was a bit jealous and happy for me. She agreed and the four of us had a real foursome. We didn’t do much, just kissed a little and used our hands on each other but it was so different and so exciting.

That was just a few days ago. She’s still excited and wants to do it again. That’s cool, but getting so many people involved is making me think a lot more about how much more likely it is that it’s going to get out. I’ve really been considering how I’ll feel when that happens and everyone is pointing at me and calling me a slut and giving me this reputation I’ll never shake. I just don’t want to have to fight that and deny it and always worry about who thinks what about me. I’m seriously thinking it would be easier to just say fuck it, yes I’m a slut, and own up to it. A big part of me really wants to just embrace it and really dive into sex even more. I’ve never been so constantly happy all the time like I have been lately. But should I really do that? It’s so hard because everything I’m told says I should be ashamed of this and being called a slut is the worst thing ever.

Someone told me to come here because this is the place where someone might have a good answer for me. Is it worth it to have a reputation like that in high school and beyond just to have a great time? I don’t feel like I could go back to being sexless, conservative, old me now but I don’t want everyone to know I have secret sex all the time….

Anyone? Thank you…

submitted by thenewker [link] [3 comments]

Craigslist Casual Encounter Etiquette?

Hey guys, I’m 24/F and I have a few questions about making and/or responding to casual encounter ads on craigslist. I’m relatively newly single, and just want some sex…I’m not worried about creeps or anything, I’m smart enough to be safe. I am however, confused about how it all works. I posted an ad last night and got replies from about 35 guys! I was super excited, and picked out a few, based on pictures and information, that I might be interested in. I texted a few last night, and I gave my number to two other guys that I emailed with for a while. But neither of the guys I gave my number to has texted me back. Did I commit some sort of no-no?

If you have any other general advice for a gal who wants some casual sex via craigslist, it would be really appreciated!! Thanks so much!

submitted by CasualEncounterNoob [link] [18 comments]

Hi r/sex! I have a question about sperm and poop.

So I had this crazy ex and one of his favourite things to do in bed was to have me spit all of his cum back into his mouth after giving him head so he could swallow it. He also told me that he used to eat his sperm after masturbating because “the tissues were too far away.” I’m just curious as to whether this is something that a lot of guys do and just don’t admit to? I’ve casually mentioned it to a few close guy friends and they all looked horrified. The crazy ex also used to shit in the shower and then stomp it down the drain because he didn’t want to get out of the shower, towel dry, poop, and return to shower. Just curious as to whether this is a usual thing or whether I dated the ultimate foul bachelor frog? Thanks guys!

submitted by shitex [link] [20 comments]

I know nothing about condoms. Help.

So as the title says, I know nothing about condoms. I recently started became sexually active and my girlfriend and I agree we should use condoms. My penis is 6 3/4 in. long. What size condom should I buy first off, and secondly, what brand do you guys prefer? Thanks a million.

submitted by Helpaniggaout [link] [13 comments]

Smartest Guys Make The Best Lovers

Ok Sexxit, I’ve decided. I’ve been with guys on both ends of the spectrum, and I’ve definitely noticed a correlation by this point. In my experience, smarter guys tend to be more aware, make more connections- what I like, what I don’t. There’s a feeling of a strive for constant improvement, so it just keeps getting better and better.

Now, I know that you all, in your typical infinite wisdom, will be all, “Why yes, of course, this is obvious, astnaetdenaCOMMUNICATE,” but there is a common idea that jockish, athletic guys will be better at sex due to sharper bodies- and with one stereotype comes the other.

So Sexxit, what’s your experience on the matter?

submitted by xTooTiredToCarex [link] [80 comments]

Penis

I’m no virgin, but it still catches me off guard when a guy grabs my hand and put it on his dick. Is going up and down, boring handjob style, really the desired action? What do guys expect? Men of reddit, help a sistah out!

submitted by bannannaboat [link] [6 comments]

Guys, are you actually like this?

Taken from a cracked.com article:

“It’s like that for most men, most of the time. We’re starving, and all women are various types of food. Only instead of food, it’s sex. And we’re trying to conduct our everyday business around the fact that we’re trying to renew our driver’s license with a talking pair of boobs. So, from about age 13 on, around 90 percent of our energy and discipline is devoted to overcoming this, to behave like civilized human beings and not like stray dogs in a meat market. One where instead of eating the meat, they want to hump it.”

I am a guy and I can’t really relate to this at all, but I’d like the honest thoughts of other guys as well for more input since people can be pretty different. Plus it’s cracked.com which isn’t exactly the most reliable source. I’m sure some guys are but this article implies a larger generalization than what I believe to be true, which is why I’d like other input to take away as much personal bias into my conclusions as I can.

You can also discuss your thoughts on other parts of the article too, this part just stood out to me as something that sounded really different from how I function personally.

EDIT: Women’s input is welcome as well. I was originally just looking for a guys’ perspectives (since that is the group the article focuses on) but in retrospect this seems kind of silly, as opinions from other genders can be useful as well.

submitted by magicmanfk [link] [379 comments]