Throwaway, and this is a bit of a long tale, bear with me.
I have been married to my wife for 2.5 years, and, other than the sex, everything is awesome. I don’t regret the marriage one bit, and I love her more every day.
Now, we are one another’s firsts and only’s, and we waited until marriage for sex. When we were dating, though, there was a good deal of fooling around. Handjobs in the car, at movies, under the blankets at a friend’s, etc. We had dry-sex (or whatever it’s called when I have my underwear on, she’s naked, and we hump/rub). I went down on her, but she said she didn’t/couldn’t return the favor. I never pushed it.
However, our sex life is beginning to put a strain on our relationship. She was raised very conservatively/sex-is-taboo type of parenting. Our sex life consists of only two positions (missionary and cowgirl), only at bedtime, only in the bedroom. Only once. Happens every ten days or so.
Fast forward to now.
I no longer am allowed to go down on here, she says she doesn’t get into it and doesn’t like the smell (I find it pleasant, and not particularly strong).
She generally shies away from much foreplay, and then rushes right into it. Almost like she feels it’s a chore that she just wants to get done. When she rushes like this, it is painful in the beginning for her (we always use lube). The few times she allows extended foreplay (which I enjoy), it is much better for her.
She is reluctant to try new positions, and it generally goes poorly if we do. She won’t be into it at all, because she thinks its some task she must conquer, and then does not enjoy herself, or there is pain. We tried doggy-style for the first time a couple weeks ago, and she started crying from the pain. Some of this pain is due to her having titanium rods in most of her spine from a corrective surgical procedure. So of course, some positions are impossible etc. Some of it though, I believe, is because she has difficulty relaxing her inhibitions and just having fun. Everything is planned and thought out and diagrammed in her mind.
Even when we really get into it, she’s never really that into it. It’s like she’s second-guessing all her reactions. Also, I think she has a stigma that the whole thing is kinda gross–i.e. I have to put the lube on, I have to insert into her, I have to set the pace, I choose positions, and I have to initiate almost all of the time.
I, on the other hand, am almost opposite. My upbringing was fairly loose and I am very independent. I have battled off/on with a porn addiction most of my adolescent life (so I’m sure my expectations are a bit high). I masturbate regularly. My wife told me that she has never masturbated, and I believe that’s probably true.
I guess I don’t really know exactly what I’m looking for here, but I suppose hearing from people who have been through similar situations with overcoming extreme sexual inhibition would be helpful.
As this is a throwaway, I am more than willing to answer/discuss anything that anyone may deem helpful.
submitted by thr0wa [link] [57 comments]